In a funk

I’ve been in a funk this week.  With a sore throat, cough, and congestion, I didn’t make it to the treadmill even one day. I’ve been letting myself sleep an extra hour instead of getting up early to meet with the Lord. Why do I think that neglecting these good habits won’t affect me?  I’ve found myself just seconds away from committing homicide a few times. The sound of my children’s voices has felt like nails on a chalkboard rather than the sweet song I usually hear.  I wanted to point a bazooka at valentine’s day and fire a few rounds. The sad thing is, it took me a few days to figure out that the problem was ME.  I was slow to make the connection between the funk and how I’ve neglected my time with God this last week.

Is anyone else out there as dense as I am?

In addition to my abandonment of all things good and healthy this week, a friend’s husband passed away unexpectedly.  A 41-year old daddy went to sleep one night and woke up in heaven.  It’s really too much for me to wrap my head around. Why him? Why this family?  Why now? It reminded me that I cannot assume that life belongs to the young. Life belongs to God. He gives and He takes away.

When I see God take someone or something away, I immediately start to gather up everything that I hold dear.  Unconsciously, I am trying to hang on to these things so that God can’t take them away. At the moment… somewhat in my right mind… I realize how silly that is.  What can I hide from God?  What can I keep from Him?

God took Jeff home to be in heaven, and suddenly I began throwing my faith vehicle in reverse. Backing away from God at lightning speed.  Throwing the padlock on my heart.  Letting prayers go out, but not letting anything in.  Looking for non-existent assurances that my husband or children are not next on God’s list of new arrivals in heaven.

I have to remember that while He gives and takes away physical life on this earth,  it’s not the same in regard to spiritual life. He gives us eternal life, but He never takes it away. My daughter’s memory verse for this week immediately comes to mind:

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish;

no one can snatch them out of my hand.

John 10:27-28

The Lord woke me up at 5:00 this morning and invited me to sit with Him.  That’s when everything started to click.  Now that He has extended His hand to pull me out of my funk, it’s time to move.  Take a step back toward Him in faith.  Take inventory of all the blessings I have today.  Get back on the treadmill and give Him some of my morning tomorrow.  Release all of my loved ones and dreams to Him.  Let Him take what He wants to take, and be grateful for what He has given me.