still alive

It’s been a week since you’ve heard from me.  No worries… I am still alive.  I’ve been nesting a whole lot. Lots to do in preparation for our baby’s arrival in two months. (Before I get too big and too tired to do it.)

I’ve been wrestling through some things too.  I’ve been asking God the hard questions again. Why do you let awful things happen to people I love?  Why are you pruning things (that I desire) out of my life?  What are you going to do next?  Should I prepare for the worst?  Is my baby going to be okay?

I’ve been in this place before…the misery feels familiar.  I’m fearing His hand again.  My daily devotion for today hit me right between the eyes, so to speak.  God challenged me. I have forgotten how GOOD he is.  I’ve forgotten how all GOOD things come from him.  I’ve forgotten that he works all things for GOOD.

Here’s an excerpt from today’s entry in my Streams in the Desert daily devotional:

But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.  This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.  Isaiah 50:11

When we are in darkness, the temptation is to find our way without trusting in the Lord and relying upon Him.  Instead of allowing Him to help us, we try to help ourselves.  We seek the light of the natural (worldly) way and the advice of our friends. We reason out our own conclusions and thereby may be tempted to accept a path of deliverance that would not be of God at all.

Beloved, never try to get out of a dark place except in God’s timing and in His way.  A time of trouble and darkness is meant to teach you lessons you desperately need.  Premature deliverance may circumvent God’s work of grace in your life.  Commit the entire situation to Him, and be willing to abide in darkness, knowing He is present.  Remember, it is better to walk in the dark with God than to walk alone in the light.

Stop interfering with God’s plans and with His will. Touching anything of His mars the work. Moving the hands of a clock to suit you does not change the time.  You may be able to rush the unfolding of some aspects of God’s will, but you harm His work in the long run.  You can force a rosebud to open, but you spoil the flower.  Leave everything to him, without exception. “Not what I will, but what you will.”  (Mark 14:36)

There is some serious truth in that Isaiah passage.  Don’t we end up in torment when we try to reason out everything?  When we try to figure out God and life through our own filters and with our own limited understanding?

On the contrary, Jesus was able to say those last few words from Mark 14 because He fully trusted in God’s GOODNESS.  He knew that the pain He had to endure would lead to the fulfillment of God’s GOOD plans.   Over and over again in my life, I am able to look back on hard times and thank God for what He did.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?  I have been able to praise Him for what He taught me.  For the amazing blessings that came out of those hardships.  To share testimony of His grace, power, and love in the storms.

It’s time for me to have foresight that is 20/20.   If my eyes are on the Lord, then I can see His goodness and be confident that these hardships are going to lead to glory.  Freedom!   Blessings!   Testimony!   Maturity!   Stronger faith!

But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge.” Psalm 141:8