wake up call

A few years ago, the Lord revealed something very valuable to me.  At the time, I was so desperate to have my house in order…desiring everything to be in its place at the end of the day. With two little ones underfoot, I was making everyone crazy trying to achieve household order. I needed it to feel okay. I was crying to Lord about this one day… and I sensed Him speak this thought into my mind:

Outward order does not bring inner peace.

Instantly, I felt as though an oppressive chain around my neck was broken. God revealed my motive and my need for peace… and He showed me that I was looking in the wrong place for it!  I began to see changes in my life. I still like order even now… just ask my family! However, I know that when I am desperate for order, what I’m seeking is control, and what I really need is peace. I can only get that by going to the Lord and letting Him embrace me in His love and grace. I’ve even learned to tolerate disorder a bit in order to attend to more important things. I am growing!

Well, this morning I had another revelation from Him. I went to bed late last night, setting my alarm for 5:00 am. Trying to get back to a disciplined schedule is tough when the laziness of summer is calling to me! Last week, I got up early each weekday, and it felt good. I wanted more of the same for this week.

However, I laid there in bed for 30, 60, 90 minutes while my brain ran amuck. I could not go to sleep last night! Then my little Levi started fussing. He was awake on and off until 1:15 am. Before I finally started to doze off… I decided to turn off my early morning wake up call.

Panick began to set in when I woke up at 5:45. I felt like I had been run over by a truck! So tired, yet so longing for an early start to my day. I wanted to exercise and read my bible before my children woke up. I was in tears… fading in and out of sleep. What an awful start to my day.

I finally decided to open my bible in bed and try to hear something from the Lord before I got up to meet my children (who were up and running by this time). As I read one of the psalms, I heard the Lord speak to my heart again:

Routine can be good for you. However, it is not a means of control in your life.

Wow. My desire for a routine is really a desire for control over my day. No wonder I get so bent out of shape when my routine is disturbed!

The Lord continued to speak quietly to my heart. He reminded me that He is fully prepared for whatever my day holds. I do not need to prepare myself for the day with MY routine and performance-related behaviors. If I trust Him with my day, He will lead me along the path… whether it is familiar and uneventful, or interrupted, chaotic, unexpected, even disastrous.

I can develop healthy routines such as morning exercise and bible reading, nutritious meals, even an afternoon rest. These habits can contribute greatly to my health, sanity, and spiritual growth. However… if I cannot cope with a change in my routine, then something is wrong. The Lord wants me to be flexible. He wants me to remember that He is the same, no matter how my day looks. Even though I might not get my exercise in, or if I wake simultaneously with my kids, He is still the same. He is the only constant, unchanging force in my life. Am I holding on to my routine, or Him?  I need to hold on to Jesus, whose plan for my day could not be more perfect for me!

The Lord challenged me to think about how much more effective our homeschooling will be if I become more flexible. How much more I will enjoy life if I can develop healthy routines, yet hold onto them with a lighter grasp. How much joy I will experience if I watch for what God has planned rather than lament the loss of my routine for one day.

I’m being stretched… learning to trust Him and let go of my desire to perform and be in control. The more that I surrender to His control, the happier and healthier I am!