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Today, the Lord brought me back to Psalm 16… thinking about the boundary lines that He has chosen for me. Over a year ago, this sovereign idea really spoke to me and I wrote a blog about it.

Well, here I am again. Struggling with where God has me. There was a time when I felt the call to full time ministry SO strongly. There were multiple confirmations that could not be dismissed. He was using me in ways that I could not believe. I experienced His presence and his power in life-changing ways.

At the time that I thought the Lord would lead me into full time ministry, He began pulling me out of all the places that I served. I saw fewer and fewer opportunities to teach His word. Now, I’m at home full time with a baby and two homeschooling students. I don’t get out much… especially for teaching or speaking.

I know I’m blessed to be home. I know that what I am doing at home is incredibly important. Yet, my heart is restless… so restless.

The grief comes at me in waves.  Things will happen, and another wave washes over me. That’s where I am today. Trying to understand what God’s plan is for me. What do I make of all the callings, confirmations, affirmations that I received two years ago?

I have to go back to what I know about God. He is always, always good. The place that He has chosen for me right now is the best place for me. I have to let go of what I thought, what I expected, what I interpreted.

Maybe you are feeling restless too. The path you’re on is not going in the direction you thought it would. Maybe a promise you received from God seems a million light years away from being fulfilled. His promises and our current situations can be tough to reconcile when we look at things through our own eyes.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me…

Psalm 16:5-10a

I will trust Him and His plans. I will wait for that calling to be fulfilled. I will consider my present circumstances as training and preparation for the future that He has planned for me. I will trust these boundary lines.

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Tough times in my household. I realized that my baby boy is capable of sleeping through the night. He did it three nights in a row recently.

So, it’s time to get tough. I’ve spoiled him so… nursing him to sleep and letting him sleep in my room. All of those habits have taught him that he can eat any time he wants to, and the boy does not know how to go to sleep on his own. I’ve spent this week letting him fuss himself to sleep at every nap and even in the middle of the night. It’s been tough on both of us.

I realized today, while having a quick lunch with a friend, that my approach to parenting right now resembles the way that God deals with you and me.

I can give my baby what he wants… it will make him happy, and solve the problem for the moment. However, giving him what he wants at every juncture creates major problems in the long run. I’ve already seen the consequences for giving in to his whims all the time.  Not only does it make my life crazy, but it hurts him. On the days that we have no schedule, and I let him eat and sleep whenever he wants, the boy is SO fussy. He’s not happy. He doesn’t feel good.

I ask God to do things for me all the time. If He gave into my every whim… I would be happy for the moment. But how would that affect me in the long run? I would never know what perseverance is. I wouldn’t have patience. Would I really be grateful… never having waited for anything?

Sometimes the thing I want is the very worst thing for me! How grateful I am to have a heavenly Father that knows what is best for me… and isn’t afraid to be tough with me. He lets me cry myself to sleep sometimes… and instead of giving me what I want, He gives me what I really need in that moment.

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I have to come clean.  Sometimes, I get really annoyed by verses I read in the bible.  Occasionally, I read one that makes me want to stick my tongue out and whack the writer on the back of the head. (Then I remember that what is written in the bible was inspired by God, and I wouldn’t dare whack Him in the back of the head.)

I’ll give you an example.  I have always been quite annoyed with Paul’s claim in this verse:

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.   Philippians 4:11

I often think, in my most irritated, sarcastic voice, “Well, good for you, Paul.”   Clearly, the man has not faced the kinds of things that I have faced.   He has no idea how hard it is to be content in my life today.  (In case you are inclined to agree with my wayward thinking… Paul was regularly harassed, beaten, and jailed for doing God’s will.  He endured a shipwreck, a poisonous snake bite, a stoning that nearly killed him and many other terrible experiences.)

So why the ongoing annoyance with this verse?  I tried out this verse, tested it, and failed it.  I couldn’t figure out how to be content in every circumstance in my life.   Even the encouragement that comes two verses later started to seem like a fairy tale because I couldn’t manage the contentment thing:

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

All things? Then why not contentment?

This weekend, at a Joyce Meyer conference, the frustration with this verse came to a screeching halt.  Joyce was talking about “change” all weekend.   In the last session, she was talking about how to do what you CAN do, and then wait for God to do what you CAN’T do.   Not just wait for Him, but actually enjoy the time while you’re waiting.    She reminded us that we are being transformed from “glory to glory.”  (2 Corinthians 4:18)    We just have no idea how much time will elapse between one glory and the next.   The breakthroughs, the victories, the provisions often come in God’s timing (not ours) and we have to wait for each glory to come.   We should have peace, joy, security in the waiting.   We can be content between glories.

This is where Philippians 4:11 came in.   She explained the verse in a way that I’ve never considered before.

First of all, Paul says that he “learned” how to live in contentment.  He didn’t get it right the first time, and probably not the second or third time.   Learning is a long process that takes time.    It takes God’s grace and power to be achieved.

The greatest insight came to me when Joyce explained that Paul wasn’t talking about being content in his rotten circumstances because God had left him there to suffer and he should make the best of it.   His contentment didn’t mean that he accepted the tremendous hardships that he was facing as the end result.

With God, glory is always the end result.

Paul was content knowing that God would come and deliver him to his next glory at the right time.  He did not accept his suffering as a permanent state.   He recognized that God always has an amazing plan to save us, teach us, transform us, and use us to display His glory.

I can have peace and still not have any clue what’s happening or what God is doing right now.   I can have peace even when my tough circumstances aren’t budging.  I can be content, knowing that God is working on my next glory and it will come at just the right time.

I’ll keep trusting Him and praising Him until it gets here.