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What a striking contrast between last week and this week. I felt better, loved better, taught better, and ate better last week. I made a conscious effort to read my devotion and the bible first thing each morning. This week, I was more hit-and-miss…. mostly miss.

I really felt the difference! I was frustrated, impatient, emotional, and I ate like crazy this week. My prayers were mostly composed of whines and demands. Why? I was empty, but yet I was running around trying to do life without the proper perspective and preparation. Clear as day, once again I was able to see the difference in my life when I put God first each day.

The icing on this dismal cake came last night. My oldest daughter informed me at just past 6:30 pm that she had math homework, and she needed my help. (She takes 6th grade math on campus through our homeschool academy.) While trying to teach her how to solve percentage equations, my nearly 11 month old was hollering about the dinner I gave him.  My blood sugar was low because I hadn’t slowed down enough to eat my own dinner.  Time was ticking by, and the start of my husband’s home bible study was quickly approaching.

Pressure. Hunger. Fussing baby. Loud TV from the other room. Percentages. Blank stare from 6th grader. I lost it. I threw the calculator that was in my hand and walked toward the kitchen to find some kind of food that would silence the grouchy baby boy. On my way, I saw it.

The red bucket.

It sat on the floor, full of toys. It wasn’t bothering anyone, but oh my word, everyone was bothering me!!! So I kicked the hooey out of it. Apparently, when you pay $5.99 for a plastic bin in the seasonal department at Target, you don’t get a product of the highest quality or durability. The poor thing shattered into a dozen pieces and toys rocketed in all directions.

Boy, it felt good…. For about 10 seconds. Then I felt embarrassed for losing my cool. (Yet remarkably grateful that it was a bucket and not one of my precious children.) Of course, the entire family had to come running to see what happened. Oh, the look of horror on each face was priceless. I think they realized…even the baby… that they had pushed this momma too far.

Yet, it was MY responsibility to keep my cool. It was MY responsibility to make sure that I was sane enough to handle the challenges of the day. That morning had come and gone without time set aside to read my bible and pray in a focused manner. I was reminded again that I had been coasting on fumes that day instead of soaring in the power of God. I hadn’t bothered to connect to my power source.

I kicked the bucket… and it woke me up from my deadly slumber. A hunger for God’s presence and His Word burst into flames within me.

This morning, I was a few hours into my day when I finally opened up my devotion and bible… but I got there!

“Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

Psalm 138:6-8

When I read this passage, I knew that God was speaking to my heart. He said, “Jamie, I am not done with you yet. I am going to fulfill My purpose in you. I love you.”

And that was all I needed.


By Posted on Posted in endurance, trusting Him 1 Comment

Ever feel stuck?

I was really feeling it last night.  Going around the same mountain again and again. Nothing’s changing. It looks like a break-through is coming, then disappointment comes instead. Same old junk, same old road blocks.

I woke up today feeling low. Nursing my baby in the early morning darkness,  I poured my heart out to God. “You have to do SOMETHING!”

A short time later, I found a minute to read my devotion for the day. Here’s most of it:

“Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.” Exodus 14:13

This verse contains God’s command to me as a believer for those times when I am confronted with dire circumstances and extraordinary difficulties. What am I to do when I cannot retreat or go forward and my way is blocked to the right and to the left?

The master’s word to me is, “Stand firm.” And the best thing I can do at these times is to listen only to my Master’s word, for others will come to me with their suggestions and advice…

Despair will come, whispering, “Give up–lie down and die.”

Cowardice will come and say, “You must retreat to the world’s way of acting. It is too difficult for you to continue living the part of a Christian. Abandon your principles.”

Impatience will come, crying, “Get up and do something! To stand firm and wait is sheer idleness.”

Stand firm. I must maintain the posture of one who stands, ready for action, expecting further orders, and cheerfully and patiently awaiting  the Director’s voice. It will not be long until God will say to me, as distinctly as he told Moses to tell the children of Israel, “Move on.” (Ex.14:15)

I made a decision this morning to stand firm and stop worrying about my problem. God promised that He had a provision and I would see it soon.

Just a bit ago, I was perusing the facebook status of my friends, when I came across an internet  link. It was just the thing I have been waiting for. An open door that might lead to much-needed growth and healing.

Thank you, Lord.

By Posted on Posted in endurance, homeschooling, trusting Him 2 Comments

It’s official. I’ve lost my mind.  For some time now, I have suspected that my mind is slipping away, but now it’s confirmed.

Can’t keep up! What day is it? Can’t keep the details in order. Arranged for a friend to babysit the kids on a night that I don’t need it. Ooops. Two weeks went by, did lots of laundry, but the shirts needed for today didn’t go through the wash??? How is that possible? I’m losing it.

Hit the wall this week in homeschooling.  I am drowning in third grade science. The lessons are laid out for me… but when it involves going to a pond and capturing a hydra (simple invertebrate creature) before the lesson, we’re in big trouble. I completely lost it in the middle of our homeschool day and the kids were ready to call the men in white coats. (Though they have no idea who those guys are.)

So, where to go from here?  God has been talking to me this week about His grace.  His unmerited favor. His strength under pressure. His peace when circumstances warrant otherwise.

He led me to 1 Corinthians 15:10. The apostle Paul is talking about how he doesn’t deserve to be called an apostle because of his past. He spent so much time persecuting Christians before Jesus got a hold of his heart.  “BUT by the grace of God I am what I am,” he says.

That got me. I am not worthy to teach the bible. I am not fully equipped to teach my children. I am too old to keep up with a baby and two emerging young women on little sleep with unending to-do lists.  BUT by the grace of God, I am what I am.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am a teacher.

I will make it by His grace.

The other day, I was at the ice rink with my oldest daughter. She has a weekly one-on-one lesson with a fantastic coach. While I was sitting there, I learned two amazing things that tie right into the grace lesson that God has been trying to teach me.

There are two rinks at IceTown… the one in front is for pay-by-the-hour practice.  Serious competition skaters are usually the ones on this rink. The back rink is for public skating, and is free for my daughter to practice any time because she belongs to the skate academy.

Well, on this particular day, the back  public rink was full of skaters because of Thanksgiving break.  So, I paid the fee to let her skate on the front rink. What a difference! She is used to dodging skitterish children, rowdy teens, and lots of other skaters trying to practice. However, on the front ice, there were only a few skaters. Each one was practicing their skills and routines, mindful of each other, but flawless in the way that they manouvered around each other. It’s as if they have some telepathic way of communicating with each other. It was amazing to watch four different routines in progress at the same time, as they effortlessly wove around each other.

The Lord spoke to my heart:

Just do what I’ve asked you to do. Don’t worry about falling, crashing into others, or forgetting the direction you are supposed to go. Just keep moving, keep humming the song I’ve taught you and forget about those around you. I will lead you, I will be your buffer. Trust Me.

Then I watched as my daughter’s coach put her in a harness. The coach held the rope that went up and over a pulley system and down, connecting to my daughter’s torso. She instructed my daughter to skate; to try the airborne move that they had been working on. While she lept off the ice, the coach pulled on the rope a bit. Suddenly, my daughter performed the jump in a way she never had before. Beautiful!

The pull on the rope, the help that my child received, is like God’s grace. He lifts us and does the work while we go through the motions. The success is because of His power, but we get to participate.

I am going to let God do the heavy lifting from now on. I am going to show up ready to serve, teach, obey, etc… but I am going to let Him do the work. I am going to trust in His perfect, loving arms. That’s what grace is about.

It’s official. I am a child of grace. I am carried in the arms of love!