What a striking contrast between last week and this week. I felt better, loved better, taught better, and ate better last week. I made a conscious effort to read my devotion and the bible first thing each morning. This week, I was more hit-and-miss…. mostly miss.

I really felt the difference! I was frustrated, impatient, emotional, and I ate like crazy this week. My prayers were mostly composed of whines and demands. Why? I was empty, but yet I was running around trying to do life without the proper perspective and preparation. Clear as day, once again I was able to see the difference in my life when I put God first each day.

The icing on this dismal cake came last night. My oldest daughter informed me at just past 6:30 pm that she had math homework, and she needed my help. (She takes 6th grade math on campus through our homeschool academy.) While trying to teach her how to solve percentage equations, my nearly 11 month old was hollering about the dinner I gave him.  My blood sugar was low because I hadn’t slowed down enough to eat my own dinner.  Time was ticking by, and the start of my husband’s home bible study was quickly approaching.

Pressure. Hunger. Fussing baby. Loud TV from the other room. Percentages. Blank stare from 6th grader. I lost it. I threw the calculator that was in my hand and walked toward the kitchen to find some kind of food that would silence the grouchy baby boy. On my way, I saw it.

The red bucket.

It sat on the floor, full of toys. It wasn’t bothering anyone, but oh my word, everyone was bothering me!!! So I kicked the hooey out of it. Apparently, when you pay $5.99 for a plastic bin in the seasonal department at Target, you don’t get a product of the highest quality or durability. The poor thing shattered into a dozen pieces and toys rocketed in all directions.

Boy, it felt good…. For about 10 seconds. Then I felt embarrassed for losing my cool. (Yet remarkably grateful that it was a bucket and not one of my precious children.) Of course, the entire family had to come running to see what happened. Oh, the look of horror on each face was priceless. I think they realized…even the baby… that they had pushed this momma too far.

Yet, it was MY responsibility to keep my cool. It was MY responsibility to make sure that I was sane enough to handle the challenges of the day. That morning had come and gone without time set aside to read my bible and pray in a focused manner. I was reminded again that I had been coasting on fumes that day instead of soaring in the power of God. I hadn’t bothered to connect to my power source.

I kicked the bucket… and it woke me up from my deadly slumber. A hunger for God’s presence and His Word burst into flames within me.

This morning, I was a few hours into my day when I finally opened up my devotion and bible… but I got there!

“Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

Psalm 138:6-8

When I read this passage, I knew that God was speaking to my heart. He said, “Jamie, I am not done with you yet. I am going to fulfill My purpose in you. I love you.”

And that was all I needed.


I was reading this morning about how Jesus, after the “high” of getting baptized and being audibly affirmed by the Father in front of so many witnesses, was led into the desert for 40 days. It was there that the enemy tempted Him. This was a crucial time for Jesus… He would begin His public ministry after this time of solitude.

The Lord drew my attention to the fact that I have 40 days of homeschooling left. (8 weeks x 5 days = 40 days) This is a crucial time for me!

I sensed that this sudden awareness was a warning to me that the enemy was going to try to mess with my final 40 days of the year.

It is my desire to finish well!  I have changed my approach to school a bit, chosen what we will complete (instead of feeling pressure to finish all of my curriculum) and I’ve given us space and grace to complete these lessons without piling too much on each day that is left.

Satan tempted Jesus in the same way that he tempts us:  by appealing to our appetites, our greed, and our desire for status. (Luke 4:1-13) I’ve asked the Lord to make me aware of the enemy’s appeals and I’ve asked Him to be my strength in these final 40 days.

We always dread returning to “real life” after Christmas vacation. While it’s nice to slow down, enjoy the holidays, reflect on the spiritual value of Christmas, and spend time with family without all the demanding schedules… I realized this week that I was not made for Christmas vacation.

As the break from school and work came to an end, I found myself surrounded by a cloud of despair. I hadn’t felt that “blue” in a long time. Weeping at every turn, and literally fearing the days to come, I kept crying out to the Lord.

I can’t do it.

I can’t homeschool my children.

It’s too hard.

I can’t keep up with everything… the baby, the housework, the kids’ schedules.

Yet Monday came, whether or not I thought I was ready.  God was certainly ready.  He led me to have the kids do some independent school work on the first day, while I planned the month of January. Tuesday came and I had more energy and enthusiasm for school.  God was carrying me along. Suddenly, it was Thursday and we were wrapping up the week. We took off to Knott’s Berry Farm on Friday to celebrate!

Funny thing is… I didn’t feel blue all week. The despair was gone.

What did I learn? I am made to live a life of purpose. A life where responsibilities, rewards, and even failure flow in a steady rhythm. Christmas vacation is not real life. While it’s full of joy and wonder and time to rest, it lacks the day-to-day framework that allows me to live out the calling of my life.   Right now, I am called to teach my children and raise them up to be spiritual, loving, educated, responsible people. When I got back to the daily structure of carrying out my purpose, I felt so renewed.  Purpose replaced the despair.

I am so grateful to be where I am.  It is becoming more and more clear to me that I do not know what is best for me!  However, God knows what I need in every way… and I will keep trusting Him to lead and plan out my life.