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There is a portion of my family that I have never met. I am so grateful for the technological age that we live in! I have been able to connect with some relatives on my father’s side that I have yet to embrace in person.

One example would be my cousin Amanda. It turns out that we have more in common than just being part of the Ryan clan…she is a homeschooling mom and a Christ-follower. I love how God uses facebook as His tool for encouragement.

Amanda started a blog not too long ago, and I was especially blessed by this post:

A Fresh Perspective

Last night as I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to overtake me, my mind was reflecting on my many shortcomings and weaknesses. I said to Kevin, in a rather discouraged voice, “I am so weary of dealing with my flesh.” Once more we lay in silence, until Kevin, tongue in cheek, said only this, “I like your flesh.” We laughed together and enjoyed a special moment of shared tenderness.

I am so blessed by a husband who loves me without reservation, who is my spiritual leader, and yet, at just the right moment, gives me a fresh perspective and helps me to laugh at discouragement. In Christ, we ARE overcomers. Because of this TRUTH, we can laugh at the hopelessness of becoming holy, because it isn’t us that does it. We can rest in Him.

Thank you, God, for the blessing of a husband who is just plain FUN to be around, and who keeps this serious-minded woman from caving in on her own seriousness.


I love the thought of laughing at hopelessness and discouragement. Because of what Christ has done for us, we really can have this kind of joy and freedom. Thanks for sharing, Amanda!

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Must be a “bloggy” kind of week. This is my third post in five days!

All day yesterday, a book sat on my fireplace and called my name. I finally got to it this morning. A few thoughts from Oswald Chambers just hit me. Reading the passage brought some major clarity to my life today.

Mr. Chambers was talking about Moses. Remember in Exodus 2, when he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew slave? He killed the Egyptian. I had always thought of that as such an impulsive thing to do. Never understood where that came from… Moses was not a violent man.

After my reading this morning, I think that in his soul, Moses already felt the calling to lead God’s people when he was a young adult in Egypt. Seeing one of his fellow Hebrews being abused, the passion for leadership that God was developing in him came to the surface. Granted, his actions were wrong, but I think that he was responding to God’s call in his flesh (in his own power and timing).

How often are we guilty of that? We sense God’s call on our lives, and we begin to act on it before He can lay out each step before us.

So, Moses spent the next 40 years in the desert with sheep. God needed time to work some things out in Moses. The calling wasn’t canceled, just on hold until God’s perfect timing came to pass.

Feeling like you’re in the desert? I sure am. Sometimes I wonder if God is going to lead me back into the kind of service that I know falls in line with the calling of my life.

God showed me that I need this time in the desert to further prepare me for future ministry. The calling is not cancelled… just postponed for now.

I must trust that His timing is perfect!

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As you can imagine, having a 5 week old baby means that I’m not getting much sleep.  I’m so disappointed that getting 3 hours of sleep before (and 3 hours of sleep after) a middle of the night feeding never feels like 6 continuous hours of sleep. I am totally exhausted.

I’ve also been feeling very “blah” when it comes to my spiritual life. Devotional time is hard to come by, and frankly it’s not the first thing on my mind most days. I’m trying not to listen to the enemy when he accuses me of being disobedient or tries to tell me that God is not happy with me right now.

Instead, I’m trying to open my heart and my spiritual ears so that I can hear what God would say to me right now. I’m working on getting into His word (bible) a few times a week, because I know that He speaks to me that way. I’m also trying to be still a few minutes each day to hear what He might whisper to me (in my thoughts) through His Spirit.

This week, He’s been assuring me that He loves me no matter how “spiritual” I am with my attitude or my time. He reminded me that I have been through so much in the last two years. During that time, I was hanging on for dear life… facing daily challenges to my faith, my security, and my sanity. I waited so long for God to do what He promised He would do…and just last month He saved our house and delivered our baby boy.  In the past few months, He has dramatically changed our financial situation. For now, the fight is over and I can relax. If I can remember how to do that.

The Lord showed me that I am totally exhausted from hanging on for so long. Spiritually speaking, I am worn out and I need to rest. He is providing this time of rest for me. I need to stop beating myself up for not being more spiritually alert and active. The “blahs” I feel are a let down from all of the fighting, standing, and struggling I’ve been going through.

So, I’m going to rest right now. I’m going to talk to God and read the bible as often as He nudges me to do it. I’m not going to keep track in an effort to measure my spirituality or give the enemy a foothold to accuse me. I’m going to blog when I feel inspired, and not worry about what you all think of me when I don’ t post something new every week.

If you’re totally exhausted… and God is trying to get your attention… then stop torturing yourself and rest in Him!

Consider Psalm 116 in a new light:

I am the LORD, and I know that you love Me.

I heard your voice; I heard your cry for mercy.

Because I have turned My ear to you, You will call on Me as long as you live.

Indeed, the cords of death entangled you, great anguish came upon you;

You were overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then you called on My mighty name, and you said,  “O LORD, save me!”

I am the LORD, and I am gracious and righteous; I am full of compassion.

I always protect the simple hearted; when you are in great need, I save you.

Be at rest once more in your soul, for I have been good to you.

I am the LORD, and I have delivered your soul from death, your eyes from tears,

your feet from stumbling, that you may walk before Me in the land of the living.

How can you repay Me, the LORD for all My goodness toward you?

Lift up the cup of salvation and continue to call on the name of the LORD.

Fulfill your vows to Me in the presence of all his people.

Truly you are My servant; I have freed you from your chains.

Give an offering of thanks to Me and call on My name.

Praise Me, I am the LORD.