hungry

I have observed lately one of the ways that the Lord causes me to come into agreement with His will. Put simply, he makes me hungry for the thing that He wants me to have.

I’ll give you an example. A short time ago, I became unmotivated in regard to my alone time with God. I slept in and then rushed around trying to find a few minutes to read my Bible and pray. Sometimes I would get up early, but check my email and facebook, and then spend a few quick minutes reading my Bible out of duty rather than true desire to spend time with the Lord. Then suddenly, my morning “quiet” time was interrupted when my toddler began waking up at 5:15 am. After a few days, I was beside myself. I was desperate to have my little boy sleep until 6:30 so that I could have some time alone with God. I became very hungry for those quiet moments in His word. I longed to hear God speak to me in the early morning hours. I was begging God to make Levi sleep so I could have time with Him. How clever He is to use circumstances to get me where He wants me to be!!

This morning, I was reading in Psalm 22:

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.
⁴ In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

I have been reading this passage quite a bit in the last few months. I love how the Psalmist says that even though God appears to be quiet, He is still on the throne. He is still my God. He is still the only One who will save me. He is quiet sometimes, but never abandons me.

The Lord chooses to be quiet sometimes. It is always for good reason. I realized this morning that He is often quiet to make us hungry for His will.

I’ll give you another example from my own life. A couple of years ago, I went through a very dark time in my faith. I went through some serious loss, and in that time frame, I had a misunderstanding with the Lord. I thought that He told me something specific, but it didn’t pan out. I was devastated. I really questioned my ability to hear from Him and I began to run from Him. I didn’t want to read His word or allow Him to speak to my heart because I couldn’t go through another misunderstanding like that.

I see now how the Lord began orchestrating circumstances to make me hungry for His guidance and His voice again. My pain and disappointment created such fear and resistance to intimacy with Him. However, through my heartache and stubbornness, He made it clear that my children were to go to private school the following school year. It was a crazy notion… we were in such financial hardship at the time. I couldn’t make it happen, but I knew it was what He wanted. I just kept praying. I waited and waited all summer, and the Lord became very silent. I prayed and prayed… crying my heart out. I was desperate to hear from Him. I needed confirmation. I needed provision. I needed for Him to talk to me! I was hungry for His will and His voice. When He finally spoke, and finally provided… what joy I experienced! It was a real breakthrough experience for me.

I could never understand that period of silence until today. He was silent on purpose. Not because He was angry, or disappointed, or gone. I am so grateful for that silence… as awful as that time was. He was silent in order to create a hunger in me for Him and Him alone.