it’s official

It’s official. I’ve lost my mind.  For some time now, I have suspected that my mind is slipping away, but now it’s confirmed.

Can’t keep up! What day is it? Can’t keep the details in order. Arranged for a friend to babysit the kids on a night that I don’t need it. Ooops. Two weeks went by, did lots of laundry, but the shirts needed for today didn’t go through the wash??? How is that possible? I’m losing it.

Hit the wall this week in homeschooling.  I am drowning in third grade science. The lessons are laid out for me… but when it involves going to a pond and capturing a hydra (simple invertebrate creature) before the lesson, we’re in big trouble. I completely lost it in the middle of our homeschool day and the kids were ready to call the men in white coats. (Though they have no idea who those guys are.)

So, where to go from here?  God has been talking to me this week about His grace.  His unmerited favor. His strength under pressure. His peace when circumstances warrant otherwise.

He led me to 1 Corinthians 15:10. The apostle Paul is talking about how he doesn’t deserve to be called an apostle because of his past. He spent so much time persecuting Christians before Jesus got a hold of his heart.  “BUT by the grace of God I am what I am,” he says.

That got me. I am not worthy to teach the bible. I am not fully equipped to teach my children. I am too old to keep up with a baby and two emerging young women on little sleep with unending to-do lists.  BUT by the grace of God, I am what I am.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am a teacher.

I will make it by His grace.

The other day, I was at the ice rink with my oldest daughter. She has a weekly one-on-one lesson with a fantastic coach. While I was sitting there, I learned two amazing things that tie right into the grace lesson that God has been trying to teach me.

There are two rinks at IceTown… the one in front is for pay-by-the-hour practice.  Serious competition skaters are usually the ones on this rink. The back rink is for public skating, and is free for my daughter to practice any time because she belongs to the skate academy.

Well, on this particular day, the back  public rink was full of skaters because of Thanksgiving break.  So, I paid the fee to let her skate on the front rink. What a difference! She is used to dodging skitterish children, rowdy teens, and lots of other skaters trying to practice. However, on the front ice, there were only a few skaters. Each one was practicing their skills and routines, mindful of each other, but flawless in the way that they manouvered around each other. It’s as if they have some telepathic way of communicating with each other. It was amazing to watch four different routines in progress at the same time, as they effortlessly wove around each other.

The Lord spoke to my heart:

Just do what I’ve asked you to do. Don’t worry about falling, crashing into others, or forgetting the direction you are supposed to go. Just keep moving, keep humming the song I’ve taught you and forget about those around you. I will lead you, I will be your buffer. Trust Me.

Then I watched as my daughter’s coach put her in a harness. The coach held the rope that went up and over a pulley system and down, connecting to my daughter’s torso. She instructed my daughter to skate; to try the airborne move that they had been working on. While she lept off the ice, the coach pulled on the rope a bit. Suddenly, my daughter performed the jump in a way she never had before. Beautiful!

The pull on the rope, the help that my child received, is like God’s grace. He lifts us and does the work while we go through the motions. The success is because of His power, but we get to participate.

I am going to let God do the heavy lifting from now on. I am going to show up ready to serve, teach, obey, etc… but I am going to let Him do the work. I am going to trust in His perfect, loving arms. That’s what grace is about.

It’s official. I am a child of grace. I am carried in the arms of love!