the bucket

What a striking contrast between last week and this week. I felt better, loved better, taught better, and ate better last week. I made a conscious effort to read my devotion and the bible first thing each morning. This week, I was more hit-and-miss…. mostly miss.

I really felt the difference! I was frustrated, impatient, emotional, and I ate like crazy this week. My prayers were mostly composed of whines and demands. Why? I was empty, but yet I was running around trying to do life without the proper perspective and preparation. Clear as day, once again I was able to see the difference in my life when I put God first each day.

The icing on this dismal cake came last night. My oldest daughter informed me at just past 6:30 pm that she had math homework, and she needed my help. (She takes 6th grade math on campus through our homeschool academy.) While trying to teach her how to solve percentage equations, my nearly 11 month old was hollering about the dinner I gave him.  My blood sugar was low because I hadn’t slowed down enough to eat my own dinner.  Time was ticking by, and the start of my husband’s home bible study was quickly approaching.

Pressure. Hunger. Fussing baby. Loud TV from the other room. Percentages. Blank stare from 6th grader. I lost it. I threw the calculator that was in my hand and walked toward the kitchen to find some kind of food that would silence the grouchy baby boy. On my way, I saw it.

The red bucket.

It sat on the floor, full of toys. It wasn’t bothering anyone, but oh my word, everyone was bothering me!!! So I kicked the hooey out of it. Apparently, when you pay $5.99 for a plastic bin in the seasonal department at Target, you don’t get a product of the highest quality or durability. The poor thing shattered into a dozen pieces and toys rocketed in all directions.

Boy, it felt good…. For about 10 seconds. Then I felt embarrassed for losing my cool. (Yet remarkably grateful that it was a bucket and not one of my precious children.) Of course, the entire family had to come running to see what happened. Oh, the look of horror on each face was priceless. I think they realized…even the baby… that they had pushed this momma too far.

Yet, it was MY responsibility to keep my cool. It was MY responsibility to make sure that I was sane enough to handle the challenges of the day. That morning had come and gone without time set aside to read my bible and pray in a focused manner. I was reminded again that I had been coasting on fumes that day instead of soaring in the power of God. I hadn’t bothered to connect to my power source.

I kicked the bucket… and it woke me up from my deadly slumber. A hunger for God’s presence and His Word burst into flames within me.

This morning, I was a few hours into my day when I finally opened up my devotion and bible… but I got there!

“Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

Psalm 138:6-8

When I read this passage, I knew that God was speaking to my heart. He said, “Jamie, I am not done with you yet. I am going to fulfill My purpose in you. I love you.”

And that was all I needed.