totally exhausted

As you can imagine, having a 5 week old baby means that I’m not getting much sleep.  I’m so disappointed that getting 3 hours of sleep before (and 3 hours of sleep after) a middle of the night feeding never feels like 6 continuous hours of sleep. I am totally exhausted.

I’ve also been feeling very “blah” when it comes to my spiritual life. Devotional time is hard to come by, and frankly it’s not the first thing on my mind most days. I’m trying not to listen to the enemy when he accuses me of being disobedient or tries to tell me that God is not happy with me right now.

Instead, I’m trying to open my heart and my spiritual ears so that I can hear what God would say to me right now. I’m working on getting into His word (bible) a few times a week, because I know that He speaks to me that way. I’m also trying to be still a few minutes each day to hear what He might whisper to me (in my thoughts) through His Spirit.

This week, He’s been assuring me that He loves me no matter how “spiritual” I am with my attitude or my time. He reminded me that I have been through so much in the last two years. During that time, I was hanging on for dear life… facing daily challenges to my faith, my security, and my sanity. I waited so long for God to do what He promised He would do…and just last month He saved our house and delivered our baby boy.  In the past few months, He has dramatically changed our financial situation. For now, the fight is over and I can relax. If I can remember how to do that.

The Lord showed me that I am totally exhausted from hanging on for so long. Spiritually speaking, I am worn out and I need to rest. He is providing this time of rest for me. I need to stop beating myself up for not being more spiritually alert and active. The “blahs” I feel are a let down from all of the fighting, standing, and struggling I’ve been going through.

So, I’m going to rest right now. I’m going to talk to God and read the bible as often as He nudges me to do it. I’m not going to keep track in an effort to measure my spirituality or give the enemy a foothold to accuse me. I’m going to blog when I feel inspired, and not worry about what you all think of me when I don’ t post something new every week.

If you’re totally exhausted… and God is trying to get your attention… then stop torturing yourself and rest in Him!

Consider Psalm 116 in a new light:

I am the LORD, and I know that you love Me.

I heard your voice; I heard your cry for mercy.

Because I have turned My ear to you, You will call on Me as long as you live.

Indeed, the cords of death entangled you, great anguish came upon you;

You were overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then you called on My mighty name, and you said,  “O LORD, save me!”

I am the LORD, and I am gracious and righteous; I am full of compassion.

I always protect the simple hearted; when you are in great need, I save you.

Be at rest once more in your soul, for I have been good to you.

I am the LORD, and I have delivered your soul from death, your eyes from tears,

your feet from stumbling, that you may walk before Me in the land of the living.

How can you repay Me, the LORD for all My goodness toward you?

Lift up the cup of salvation and continue to call on the name of the LORD.

Fulfill your vows to Me in the presence of all his people.

Truly you are My servant; I have freed you from your chains.

Give an offering of thanks to Me and call on My name.

Praise Me, I am the LORD.