Author: jamie

By Posted on Posted in contentment, joy, motherhood 1 Comment

archivesLarger

I was reading through old blog posts and found the one you’ll see below. It’s very appropriate for me as I prepare to get back to schooling. Many of us are praying, thinking and planning as we anticipate getting back to more structured schedules.  August dawns next week and when it fades, summer will too.

The Lord revealed something to me about motherhood that profoundly changed my outlook back in 2010. Sadly, I realized upon rereading the post this week that I had forgotten what He taught me. I have, once again, found myself praying (begging would be more accurate) for JOY in the midst of mothering. It’s endless, often thankless, and there’s rarely a feeling of completion or accomplishment. This post reminded me that as I embrace the nature of motherhood, I will find the joy that I miss when I resent the tough aspects of being a momma.

I pray that you are encouraged in your mothering journey as you read this one, fresh from the archives:

June 2010

I just returned from a retreat for homeschooling moms. God took our simple plans for a refueling, reviving weekend and He blew it out of the water!  The theme was “From Empty to Overflowing”. We talked a lot about allowing the Lord to fill us. Several times we delved into Psalm 23 and listened to what God had to say about His plans to fill us and provide for all of our needs. I learned so much from Him this weekend.

I have to admit that one thing I resent about mothering is the constant serving, constant demands, constant turnover of laundry, dishes, messes, food, etc.  How futile and unappreciated many of my responsibilities seem. I have been praying like crazy for God to fill my heart with joy as I serve at home. I long to be filled with joy no matter how many times I have to clean something, cook something, put something away.

I realized this weekend that my problem is that I want to be filled by the Lord, but I do not want to be emptied out! Each moment that I spend seeking His face and pouring through the pages of His word results in the filling of my “cup”.  God showed me that the reason He fills me is not so that I can stay full.  He does it so that I can be poured out into the lives of others around me. Then I can go back to Him and be filled anew… to be poured out again.

water wheel

God brought to mind a water wheel, and I thought about how each nook collects water on the upper part of its journey and then pours the water out on the lower part of its journey. The wheel goes around and around, repeating the same actions over and over again. To look at one revolution of the wheel, one would not be impressed with the outcome. However, as it moves through countless cycles, energy is produced. The wheel shows its effectiveness by plodding away, hour after hour, never giving up on its assigned work.

What a picture of motherhood.

I’m asking the Lord to fill me with joy and to remember that the repetitive revolutions of my day are accomplishing the great work that He has called me to:   raising educated, respectful, passionate children that will love Him and go wherever He wants to send them.

So, here I go again….

.

photo credit:

archives:  The U.C.C. Quarterly – Spring, 1944

water wheel:  razpuskane.com

By Posted on Posted in direction, trusting Him No Comments

20130725-112050.jpg

Flying home yesterday, I saw some beautiful landscapes out the window. This particular sight really appealed to me. Any guesses as to why?

You probably figured it out: I love the perfect little lines. I love how the land is divided equally and exquisitely. How I long for my life to look like this landscape! It brings to mind a familiar scripture:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Until now, I never really noticed all of the criteria in these verses for straight paths. We must trust completely. It requires a consistent leaning on His wisdom and guidance instead of our own understanding. We must always submit to Him. Only then will our paths be straight, smooth, and level.

Let us not forget that since our lives are so intertwined with others, that straight paths are also contingent on other people trusting, leaning, submitting to the Lord.

When I looked out the window a bit later, God showed me that life is much more like this landscape:

20130725-112344.jpg

He drew my attention specifically to the river. Life is full of twists and turns as we operate in a fallen world, dealing with our own failures and those of the people in our lives. Like a river, our lives often double back over territory we thought we’d already covered. Sometimes it runs deep and we feel like we’re in over our heads, and sometimes it’s shallow and we find a rare ease.

The problem lies in expectations. I continue to long for perfect little lines. I anticipate predictable territory laid out in one mile squares. So much of my disappointment comes from my desire for ease in the midst of a challenge or adventure with twists and blind turns.

This morning it occurred to me that God has the great advantage of seeing things from this aerial, heavenly perspective while I see it only from the ground. I can’t see where I’m headed like He can. Since life isn’t laid out in perfect little lines, I can’t see what’s coming next. I just have to keep trusting that He is guiding me and getting me back on track when I lose my way.

God says, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3) If our lives were laid out like that first Kansas landscape all nice and straight, then we would clearly see what is before us. However, God has managed to use the twists and turns to show us great and mighty things that we would never know otherwise.

Cause my heart to trust You, Lord, and release me from my desire for what is safe, orderly and predictable. Increase my desire for You, for Your Word, and all of Your ways.

By Posted on Posted in God's presence, rest No Comments

20130724-140232.jpg

As I write, I am sitting in the most glorious sunroom looking out on the fields of Washington, Indiana. The adults are resting and the children went on an excursion with their grandma. The house is quiet and I am enjoying the Lord’s rest.

The last several days have been quite an adventure. The Lord arranged for me to fly to Indiana to stay with my cousin, whom I had only met in person one time, and to speak to some of the ladies in her homeschool community and her faith community. I really didn’t know what to expect.

I spent a lot of time preparing to speak to the homeschool group, coming up with three different topics. However, I was not able to put much of anything on paper when it came to preparing for the women’s group I’d be speaking to. While on my Sunday flight, I tried to focus and do more preparation, but the Lord kept urging me to just rest and relax.

When I woke up the first morning in southern Indiana, I started to feel anxious about my speaking and the lack of preparation that I felt was necessary. Again, the Lord asked me to rest and trust Him, leading me to Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. (v.1-3)

He made it clear that my purpose on this trip was not to speak, share, encourage… but to rest. He promised green pastures, quiet waters, and He promised to refresh my soul. He wanted me to rest in Him and let HIM speak, let HIM encourage, let HIM show me what to share moment by moment. I came 2,000 miles to strive, to perform, to live up to my own expectations. Clearly, we had different agendas, and I have been struggling to lay mine down and embrace His.

The homeschool event went well, though I didn’t begin to rest in Him until nearly the end. I got there eventually, but I admit that it’s hard to let go and let Him carry me along.

This morning, I woke up with no more than a couple of thoughts scribbled in my journal in preparation for speaking to the group of Christian ladies. I immediately became anxious, but His word to me again was to rest. Trust Him. I did better today, and was greatly blessed in the process of letting go. But I have to ask: Why is my heart so resistant to rest? The Lord answered this question for me:

Resting requires a release of control.

No wonder I am always so tired! I’m often very reluctant to let go! I am learning to let God have control over situations in my life and also to let Him lead where He wants, but I still have not figured out this rest business.

Many of us try resting with one eye open, so to speak. We think we are letting go and letting the Lord take care of everything, but we’ve got one eye on the circumstances and one foot on the floor in case we need to get up and take charge again.

However, sitting here in this sunroom, I think my heart is ready to start resting. I think I’m ready to start letting go, closing my eyes to circumstances, and just spending time resting in the fact that God is in control. I think I might even be ready to rejoice in my rest… not doing it because that’s what I’m supposed to, but enjoying the release of responsibility and control because God is always better at the helm than I am.

As the clouds float by at a snail’s pace out the window, I am reminded that I was not created for hustle and bustle. I was not created for racing, competing, and performing. I was created to rest in my Father’s hands at the potter’s wheel and to let Him do with me what pleases Him. How can He shape me if I am not still? Resting is not about recuperating for the next big thing I want to do for Him. Resting is about being in His presence, soaking up His love and truth, and letting Him mold me into something beautiful and (eventually) flawless.

So I sit here resting, not thinking about the next big thing I’ll do. Nope. I am just relishing the lavish gifts He gave me this week: The privilege of being His voice of encouragement. The joy of being not only His daughter, but a daughter of the Ryan clan. Bonds with a family that I have only recently met. Moments to connect with sisters in Christ whom I may not see again until heaven. Glimpses into what a slower, simpler life might look like for my family. I am resting in all that He’s shown me and provided for me.

And I’ll let Him take care of whatever is next.