“Mom, did you feel that?!?!”

We were sitting in the car on Magnolia Avenue as it extends over the 15 freeway in Corona.

“Why are we shaking?!?!”

I explained to her that the steel and concrete bridge was built to be flexible. It was made to withstand the ebb and flow of traffic, the pressure of large multi-ton vehicles, and the rumblings of earthquakes. The bridge was made to flex and absorb shock rather than resist it.

I went on to tell her that if the bridge was built to be stiff,  sturdy and strong… it would crumble under pressure and wear. Because it can flex, the structure will last a long, long time.

Immediately I knew that God was speaking to my heart.

Be flexible. When you are stubborn, holding onto things, bracing yourself for pain or loss… then you will crumble under the pressure. The worries and stresses of life and its constant changes will wear you down.

Let Me lead. Let Me choose. The words flooded my heart. Let Me guide you along the path that I have chosen for you. Let go of the ideas and expectations that you have. Send them up to Me in prayer, and then release them. Let flexibility and trust rule your heart so that it will not break so easily. How can you hold onto My hand when both hands are grasping onto the things that you think you can’t live without?

Change me, Lord! Cause me to bend and yield to Your will. Let me find joy in all of the ways that You are working in me today.

The life of a homeschooling mom is a busy one. Throw a baby in there… and it feels like a day at the Indy 500. Going around and around the same circle at ridiculous speeds. Burn-outs, crashes… and constant pit-stops needed.  The only difference is that I don’t have a team in jumpsuits to help me!!

With all of the things that I am trying to do on a daily basis,  styling hair and applying make-up don’t fit in. Rarely do I wear anything besides sweat pants! Recently, I’ve taken to wearing hats on days that I cannot do anything with my hair.  Unfortunately, I think the hat IS my new hair style.

I’m so grateful for these accessories that cover up my lack of time and style!  They cover up my unruly hair that needs 20+ minutes of blow-drying or flat-ironing.

I was thinking today about how God’s grace is like my favorite hat…

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 peter 4:8

His love covers my sins… just like the hat covers my imperfections. Every time I throw my hat on to run out the door, I am reminded that God covers me and you with His love and grace.

Today, the Lord brought me back to Psalm 16… thinking about the boundary lines that He has chosen for me. Over a year ago, this sovereign idea really spoke to me and I wrote a blog about it.

Well, here I am again. Struggling with where God has me. There was a time when I felt the call to full time ministry SO strongly. There were multiple confirmations that could not be dismissed. He was using me in ways that I could not believe. I experienced His presence and his power in life-changing ways.

At the time that I thought the Lord would lead me into full time ministry, He began pulling me out of all the places that I served. I saw fewer and fewer opportunities to teach His word. Now, I’m at home full time with a baby and two homeschooling students. I don’t get out much… especially for teaching or speaking.

I know I’m blessed to be home. I know that what I am doing at home is incredibly important. Yet, my heart is restless… so restless.

The grief comes at me in waves.  Things will happen, and another wave washes over me. That’s where I am today. Trying to understand what God’s plan is for me. What do I make of all the callings, confirmations, affirmations that I received two years ago?

I have to go back to what I know about God. He is always, always good. The place that He has chosen for me right now is the best place for me. I have to let go of what I thought, what I expected, what I interpreted.

Maybe you are feeling restless too. The path you’re on is not going in the direction you thought it would. Maybe a promise you received from God seems a million light years away from being fulfilled. His promises and our current situations can be tough to reconcile when we look at things through our own eyes.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me…

Psalm 16:5-10a

I will trust Him and His plans. I will wait for that calling to be fulfilled. I will consider my present circumstances as training and preparation for the future that He has planned for me. I will trust these boundary lines.