Author: jamie

By Posted on Posted in grace No Comments

I’ve shared recently about how God is teaching me lessons on grace. What is grace? I’ve heard it defined as unmerited favor…. good and loving treatment that is not deserved.

God desires to pour out His grace on me…  That means that I am loved and favored by Him even though I am not worthy.

I’ve spent so much of my life being critical of myself. I am so good at beating myself up… I find that I do it as effortlessly as breathing. So, it’s hard for me to imagine that God loves me and favors me. Most days, I really don’t believe it.

The Lord has been trying to get through to me. He just keeps pouring out the blessings and the second chances. No matter what I do, He keeps insisting that He loves me. He sees the good in me… the good that I am unable to see.

This morning at church, we were singing a song that always touches me:

Lord of the heavens
King of all days
Without you my world slips away
Redeemed by your mercy
Consumed by your grace
Now I live for you

I’m found in the arms of love
Your love it has saved my soul
I’ll run to your arms of love
Your life’s gonna lead me home

Often when I am singing  in church, the Lord plants images in my mind that I believe are like little messages from Him. I’m a very visual person, so I think that’s why He communicates to me this way. Maybe you think I’m just crazy, but I know it’s Him.

Many of the images are the same time after time. I often see myself with Jesus on the beach.  Today, I saw something new. As I was singing the words, “I’m found in the arms of love,” I saw Jesus walking on the beach carrying me. My children were walking behind us. It was so powerful that even now I feel the emotion flooding me all over again.

He truly is carrying me right now. I have no idea how I get though each day…homeschooling my girls while caring for our baby boy and a houseful of responsibilities.  Sharing life with a husband that loves me endlessly, yet I often feel as though I have nothing to give back to him. This path is not easy. There are so many things that I am not able to do in this season. I can’t catch my breath if I think about it too much.

Yes, Jesus is carrying me. But there was something unseen in this beach image that came through. He wasn’t carrying me because He had to, not because I was such a failure. He was carrying me because He loves me and he knows how demanding life is right now. He knows that I’m tired and emotional. He knows that I am walking this path because He asked me to. He was carrying me in His arms of love because that’s what He promised He would do. He promised that He would never leave me or forsake me… and there it was, as clear as day in my mind.

I’m found in the arms of love.

By Posted on Posted in homeschooling, schedules 3 Comments

We always dread returning to “real life” after Christmas vacation. While it’s nice to slow down, enjoy the holidays, reflect on the spiritual value of Christmas, and spend time with family without all the demanding schedules… I realized this week that I was not made for Christmas vacation.

As the break from school and work came to an end, I found myself surrounded by a cloud of despair. I hadn’t felt that “blue” in a long time. Weeping at every turn, and literally fearing the days to come, I kept crying out to the Lord.

I can’t do it.

I can’t homeschool my children.

It’s too hard.

I can’t keep up with everything… the baby, the housework, the kids’ schedules.

Yet Monday came, whether or not I thought I was ready.  God was certainly ready.  He led me to have the kids do some independent school work on the first day, while I planned the month of January. Tuesday came and I had more energy and enthusiasm for school.  God was carrying me along. Suddenly, it was Thursday and we were wrapping up the week. We took off to Knott’s Berry Farm on Friday to celebrate!

Funny thing is… I didn’t feel blue all week. The despair was gone.

What did I learn? I am made to live a life of purpose. A life where responsibilities, rewards, and even failure flow in a steady rhythm. Christmas vacation is not real life. While it’s full of joy and wonder and time to rest, it lacks the day-to-day framework that allows me to live out the calling of my life.   Right now, I am called to teach my children and raise them up to be spiritual, loving, educated, responsible people. When I got back to the daily structure of carrying out my purpose, I felt so renewed.  Purpose replaced the despair.

I am so grateful to be where I am.  It is becoming more and more clear to me that I do not know what is best for me!  However, God knows what I need in every way… and I will keep trusting Him to lead and plan out my life.

By Posted on Posted in endurance, homeschooling, trusting Him 2 Comments

It’s official. I’ve lost my mind.  For some time now, I have suspected that my mind is slipping away, but now it’s confirmed.

Can’t keep up! What day is it? Can’t keep the details in order. Arranged for a friend to babysit the kids on a night that I don’t need it. Ooops. Two weeks went by, did lots of laundry, but the shirts needed for today didn’t go through the wash??? How is that possible? I’m losing it.

Hit the wall this week in homeschooling.  I am drowning in third grade science. The lessons are laid out for me… but when it involves going to a pond and capturing a hydra (simple invertebrate creature) before the lesson, we’re in big trouble. I completely lost it in the middle of our homeschool day and the kids were ready to call the men in white coats. (Though they have no idea who those guys are.)

So, where to go from here?  God has been talking to me this week about His grace.  His unmerited favor. His strength under pressure. His peace when circumstances warrant otherwise.

He led me to 1 Corinthians 15:10. The apostle Paul is talking about how he doesn’t deserve to be called an apostle because of his past. He spent so much time persecuting Christians before Jesus got a hold of his heart.  “BUT by the grace of God I am what I am,” he says.

That got me. I am not worthy to teach the bible. I am not fully equipped to teach my children. I am too old to keep up with a baby and two emerging young women on little sleep with unending to-do lists.  BUT by the grace of God, I am what I am.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am a teacher.

I will make it by His grace.

The other day, I was at the ice rink with my oldest daughter. She has a weekly one-on-one lesson with a fantastic coach. While I was sitting there, I learned two amazing things that tie right into the grace lesson that God has been trying to teach me.

There are two rinks at IceTown… the one in front is for pay-by-the-hour practice.  Serious competition skaters are usually the ones on this rink. The back rink is for public skating, and is free for my daughter to practice any time because she belongs to the skate academy.

Well, on this particular day, the back  public rink was full of skaters because of Thanksgiving break.  So, I paid the fee to let her skate on the front rink. What a difference! She is used to dodging skitterish children, rowdy teens, and lots of other skaters trying to practice. However, on the front ice, there were only a few skaters. Each one was practicing their skills and routines, mindful of each other, but flawless in the way that they manouvered around each other. It’s as if they have some telepathic way of communicating with each other. It was amazing to watch four different routines in progress at the same time, as they effortlessly wove around each other.

The Lord spoke to my heart:

Just do what I’ve asked you to do. Don’t worry about falling, crashing into others, or forgetting the direction you are supposed to go. Just keep moving, keep humming the song I’ve taught you and forget about those around you. I will lead you, I will be your buffer. Trust Me.

Then I watched as my daughter’s coach put her in a harness. The coach held the rope that went up and over a pulley system and down, connecting to my daughter’s torso. She instructed my daughter to skate; to try the airborne move that they had been working on. While she lept off the ice, the coach pulled on the rope a bit. Suddenly, my daughter performed the jump in a way she never had before. Beautiful!

The pull on the rope, the help that my child received, is like God’s grace. He lifts us and does the work while we go through the motions. The success is because of His power, but we get to participate.

I am going to let God do the heavy lifting from now on. I am going to show up ready to serve, teach, obey, etc… but I am going to let Him do the work. I am going to trust in His perfect, loving arms. That’s what grace is about.

It’s official. I am a child of grace. I am carried in the arms of love!