Author: jamie

By Posted on Posted in God's presence No Comments

Reading Psalm 27 this morning, I had one of those moments.  As if I were squinting, trying to see what lies before me…. and then clarity came. My emotional state, my behavior, and the truth came together and I realized something.

I am so often my own worst enemy.

King David wrote Psalm 27 as he cried out to God to be delivered from his enemies. As I read, I thought… no one poses a threat to me as much as I do right now. I am making such poor choices right now. How can I possibly succeed when I am eating poorly, staying up late, procrastinating instead of preparing for homeschool, etc…

David writes that his deliverance, his safety comes only from God.  He says that the one thing he wants is to be with God. He knows that only God can hide him, only God can keep him safe from his enemies.

And so it is with me. Only God can keep me safe from myself! Like David, I must choose to seek God’s face so that I can rest safely in his presence. Only then can I learn from Him. So often, I try to learn from Him… but I have put myself at such a distance that I can barely hear His instruction.

This morning, I tried to live out David’s challenge to seek the face of the Lord. I closed my eyes and imagined myself walking on the beach. I saw Jesus standing near the shore and I sought Him, embraced Him, and looked in His face. What I saw and heard touched my heart so deeply. I was delivered from myself at that moment.

1 The LORD is your light and your salvation— whom shall you fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of your life—of whom shall you be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against you to devour your flesh,
when your enemies and your foes attack you, they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege you, your heart will not fear;
though war break out against you, even then you can be confident.

4 One thing you can ask of Me, that I long for you to experience:
that you may dwell in My house, the house of the LORD all the days of your life,
to gaze upon the beauty of My presence  and to find Me where I dwell.

5 For in the day of trouble I will keep you safe in My dwelling;
I will hide you in the shelter of My tabernacle and set you high upon a rock.

6 Then your head will be exalted above the enemies who surround you;
In My presence you will shout for joy; you will sing and make music because of what I have done for you.

7 I always hear your voice when you call Me;  I will be merciful to you and answer you.

8 Does your heart say, “Seek His face”? I long to hear you say, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”

9 I will never hide My face from you, I will not turn you away in anger;
I am your helper. I will not reject you or forsake you, I am your Savior.

10 Though your father and mother may have forsaken you, I the LORD will receive you.

11 I will teach you My ways, I will lead you in a straight path in spite of your oppressors.

12 Do not fear the desire of your foes, nor false witnesses that rise up against you, breathing out violence.

13 Be confident of this: you will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait on Me, My child; be strong and take heart and wait for Me.

Psalm 27

By Posted on Posted in suffering, trusting Him No Comments

Read this mind-pricking quote this morning by  Oswald Chambers. (My Utmost for His Highest):

“Abraham did not choose the sacrifice. Always guard against self-chosen service for God, self-sacrifice may be a disease.”

Wow. That is the basic problem of my life. I want to choose, darn it!!  I want things to be easy, to go smooth.

However, God wants me to grow up and be more like His son Jesus.   He permits difficult situations in my life and calls me to do things that are beyond my abilities. I must learn to surrender to HIS choice, to HIS plans, to HIS ways.

Abraham was asked to give that which was most precious to him. God was only testing him, but Abraham was good with letting God choose.

Oswald Chambers goes on to give us advice about how to proceed. When God chooses the cup that we must drink in our lives, we should accept it with grace if it’s sweet, and “drink it in communion with Him” if the cup is bitter.

Today, my cup is bittersweet. Some really, really tough times sandwiched with some of the sweetest blessings I’ve ever received.

I guess that letting Him choose isn’t so bad after all.

By Posted on Posted in homeschooling, motherhood 1 Comment Tagged with ,

My baby boy has slept through the night for several days now. I knew he could do it.

When I went to women’s retreat a couple of weekends ago, the Lord showed me that my boy was capable of sleeping 8 or 9 hours straight. He did it at the hotel. Little stinker!! At home, he would get up every two, three, or maybe four hours in the night. I knew that God was giving me the go-ahead to be firm with my little buddy.

So, when I got home from retreat, I stopped feeding him in the middle of the night. Boy, would he cry. It was hard for him to go back to sleep. However, I knew that a boy in the 100+ percentile for height and weight did not need a midnight and three a.m. snack. I pressed on. Rearranged everyone in the house… put them in rooms where they wouldn’t hear my boy protesting. I cried ALOT. I just kept hanging on to what I knew was true… with some discipline, my son would learn to sleep through the night consistently.
And here we are! We’ve had several good nights in a row. He’s also doing better during the day… I can put him down awake and he falls asleep by himself. That’s another milestone that seemed out of reach at one time.

Discipline. That’s a word that can make me shudder. The bible says that no discipline is pleasant for the moment, but it yields a wonderful, and necessary harvest. That sure rings true in our home right now.

I know that the Lord is trying to discipline me too. I have some areas of my life that are out of control. He is giving me grace for now in some areas (like food) but He is bringing discipline to my life in others. One example is time-management.

I homeschool my two daughters (3d & 6th grade). What issues I’ve been having with the older one!! She cannot use her time wisely. The other day, the Lord showed me that I am no better!  So, He has been showing me how I can grow in this area. I’ve tried the habits and solutions He’s shown me, and we are making slow progress.

Today, I made a very foolish decision regarding time and school work, and it wasn’t long before I was sobbing! God was disciplining me by showing me – clear as day – the results of my decision. He was so kind, whispering to my heart that I should not beat myself up, but just learn from what He showed me.

So, tomorrow promises to be a better day. This discipline is not pleasant… but it will yield the harvest that I need to become a better person, mother, and teacher.

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.  Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!  Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:7-11