I’m such a planner and controller.  For years and years, even as a Christian, I decided where I was going, what I was doing, what the family was doing, and I tried to make it all look like something God would want me to do.

It’s only been in the last couple of years that I have been learning to set aside my planning and controlling, and let God lead where He wants to lead.  The funny thing is… His plans have been nothing like mine.  Not at all what I had in mind.

He’s led me to do some extremely unconventional things.  I’ve had to wait a lot longer than I’ve ever waited for anything.  I’ve taken some crazy risks and experienced some tough losses.   I’ve had people look at me like I am nuts.  I’ve had good Christian people tell me that I’m doing it all wrong.   All I can say is, I’m following God’s lead.  I’m only going to do what He asks me to do.  Yes, I’m making some mistakes along the way, but I am determined to do it His way.

Yesterday, I was reading Habakkuk…a little book with a funny name.  Something he said really caught my eye:

I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost.
There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.   Habakkuk 2:1

This is where I have been.  Watching, waiting, not moving until I heard from Him.  I do have to confess that sometimes I ask, and then I get too afraid to hear His answer.  So, occasionally I’m hiding out under the watchtower rather than standing boldly at the top.  But still, I am learning not to act without His direction.

Habakkuk was a prophet during one of Israel’s most wretched seasons.  They were deep in idolatry and wickedness.  The people were not listening to God’s word or His prophets.  Habakkuk went to God (in chapter 1 of  the book) and begged Him to do something.  God responded to Habakkuk by letting him know that the Babylonians were soon going to come and God would bring discipline on His people through this conquering nation.  Of course, Habakkuk was distressed by this plan.  It was not at all what he had in mind!

So, he went back to prayer with his concerns about the Lord’s plan.  God let him know that the disobedient people need to be humbled, but that the faithful could surely trust Him no matter what happened:

See, he is puffed up, his desires are not upright- but the righteous shall live by faith…”  Hab 2:4

After hearing God’s response in chapter 2, Habakkuk gets back to praising God for who He is and how He has always been faithful.  Chapter 3 is full of hope.  Even though Habakkuk isn’t looking forward to the coming destruction of the Babylonians, he is looking forward to see what God will do through the difficulties:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.    Habakkuk 3:17-19

This is the kind of faith and courage I want to have.  God is doing amazing things in my midst.   Who am I to argue with the means that He chooses?  If I want to go on the heights – the high places – then I must be prepared to walk whatever path He leads me on.  I can’t worry about how hard it is.   How crazy it is.  How foolish I might look.  What I stand to lose in the process.  I just have to follow.

This reminds me of a devotion I read in Streams in the Desert the other day.  It was talking about the widow in 2 Kings 4… when God was about to meet her desperate need.  He told her (through the prophet Elisha) to go in the house with her two sons and shut the door.  This probably seemed crazy and pointless to the woman.  Here is a portion of the writer’s thoughts about this bible passage:

The widow and her two sons were to be alone with God.  They were not dealing with the laws of nature, human government, the church, or the priesthood.  Nor were they even dealing with the prophet Elisha anymore.  They had to be isolated from everyone, separated from human reasoning, and removed from the natural tendencies to prejudge their circumstances.

At certain times and places, God will build a mysterious wall around us.  He will take away all the supports we customarily lean upon, and will remove our ordinary ways of doing things.  God will close us off to something divine, completely new and unexpected, and that cannot be understood by examining our previous circumstances.  We will be in a place where we do not know what is happening, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives by a new pattern, and thus where He causes us to look to Him.

Most Christians lead a treadmill live– a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way.  But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him. All they know is that God is holding them and that He is dealing in their lives. Then their expectations come from Him alone.

This really spoke to me!!  I lived that treadmill life for so long… so predictable because I was calling the shots!

Now God is choosing for me, and what an adventure it has been.  Instead of being on the treadmill, going nowhere, I am reaching new heights and experiencing challenges and miracles that I would never have imagined.  Not at all what I had in mind…. but worth every second!

I’ve been praying for favor quite a bit lately.  My family is going through some things that are completely out of our control, and other people are making important decisions that affect us.  The Lord is using these experiences to teach me about His favor.

You see, the Lord can have His hand on His child in a situation and He can affect the outcome, even if it defies all logic, rules, or even the will of others involved.   I’ll give you an example from the Bible.   I was led to read the book of Daniel last week.   God drew my attention to the amount of favor that He showed this young man.   (It’s a must read, even if you’ve been there before.  Click here to get started.)   God gave Daniel strength, protection, knowledge, wisdom, amazing spiritual gifts, appointments and promotions to key leadership, as well as visions and dreams that revealed deep and hidden things.  Over and over again, Daniel defied the odds and the Lord opened countless doors for him.  Doors that Daniel would never have been able to open on his own.

After reading this last week, I prayed more fervently for favor regarding a few issues in my life.  It was as if God was challenging me through the book of Daniel to believe in His favor.   My family and I need favor with doctors, hospitals, and medical insurance companies.  We need favor with creditors and (at some point very soon) judges.  We need favor with our mortgage company.  My husband needs favor with clients in order for the Lord to continue building his business.   I prayed in faith for the Lord’s favor in all of these things.

Then, things started happening this week. The doctor’s office extended unbelievable grace even though we’ve only paid a fraction of what we owe them.   The case worker trying to get me medi-cal for secondary maternity coverage was amazingly helpful and extended the deadline for me to turn in the rest of my paperwork.   The eye doctor canceled my appointment and is sending me free contacts to last the next six months.  They said to come back after the baby is born, and we’ll do another exam.  (I didn’t even pray for favor on that one!!!!)  The tax accountant told us that instead of paying income taxes, we are getting a $3000+ refund.  Being self-employed, my husband never PAID any income taxes.  This money is tangible evidence of God’s favor.

Of course, the enemy has been working overtime trying to steal our favor in other areas.  Intimidating phone calls.  Confusing letters in the mail.  Discouraging news.  No worries!  I am confident that God is working to provide all that I need and walk me through the valley of death, taxes, foreclosure, and bankruptcy. (That’s the 2009 version of Psalm 23:4.)

Listen to what He spoke to my heart after I read Daniel last week:

You are My highly favored one

I delight in saving you

in providing for you

in speaking through you.

I delight in meeting your needs

in opening doors

in leading you on My path.

I delight in you

because I love you

and no one can take you

away from Me.

You are My highly favored one

and you belong to Me.

Favor doesn’t mean that we always escape consequences.   It doesn’t mean that we can get whatever we wish for in prayer.  It means that God will stand in the midst of our situation and provide what we need.  (What HE thinks we need).  He will open doors, change hearts, and move mountains out of the way.  Favor means that I do not need to fear any man, woman, representative, agency, corporation, or institution.  It means that His will is supreme and cannot be thwarted by anyone!!

In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?   Psalm 56:11

You are His highly favored one!!!

It’s been a week since you’ve heard from me.  No worries… I am still alive.  I’ve been nesting a whole lot. Lots to do in preparation for our baby’s arrival in two months. (Before I get too big and too tired to do it.)

I’ve been wrestling through some things too.  I’ve been asking God the hard questions again. Why do you let awful things happen to people I love?  Why are you pruning things (that I desire) out of my life?  What are you going to do next?  Should I prepare for the worst?  Is my baby going to be okay?

I’ve been in this place before…the misery feels familiar.  I’m fearing His hand again.  My daily devotion for today hit me right between the eyes, so to speak.  God challenged me. I have forgotten how GOOD he is.  I’ve forgotten how all GOOD things come from him.  I’ve forgotten that he works all things for GOOD.

Here’s an excerpt from today’s entry in my Streams in the Desert daily devotional:

But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.  This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.  Isaiah 50:11

When we are in darkness, the temptation is to find our way without trusting in the Lord and relying upon Him.  Instead of allowing Him to help us, we try to help ourselves.  We seek the light of the natural (worldly) way and the advice of our friends. We reason out our own conclusions and thereby may be tempted to accept a path of deliverance that would not be of God at all.

Beloved, never try to get out of a dark place except in God’s timing and in His way.  A time of trouble and darkness is meant to teach you lessons you desperately need.  Premature deliverance may circumvent God’s work of grace in your life.  Commit the entire situation to Him, and be willing to abide in darkness, knowing He is present.  Remember, it is better to walk in the dark with God than to walk alone in the light.

Stop interfering with God’s plans and with His will. Touching anything of His mars the work. Moving the hands of a clock to suit you does not change the time.  You may be able to rush the unfolding of some aspects of God’s will, but you harm His work in the long run.  You can force a rosebud to open, but you spoil the flower.  Leave everything to him, without exception. “Not what I will, but what you will.”  (Mark 14:36)

There is some serious truth in that Isaiah passage.  Don’t we end up in torment when we try to reason out everything?  When we try to figure out God and life through our own filters and with our own limited understanding?

On the contrary, Jesus was able to say those last few words from Mark 14 because He fully trusted in God’s GOODNESS.  He knew that the pain He had to endure would lead to the fulfillment of God’s GOOD plans.   Over and over again in my life, I am able to look back on hard times and thank God for what He did.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?  I have been able to praise Him for what He taught me.  For the amazing blessings that came out of those hardships.  To share testimony of His grace, power, and love in the storms.

It’s time for me to have foresight that is 20/20.   If my eyes are on the Lord, then I can see His goodness and be confident that these hardships are going to lead to glory.  Freedom!   Blessings!   Testimony!   Maturity!   Stronger faith!

But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge.” Psalm 141:8