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Life has been crazy lately. Trying to homeschool a third and a sixth grader, care for an infant, and keep a house in order on insufficient sleep is a little more than I can handle. I am definitely over my limit.

Yet, I know that God has called me to this time and place in my life. This sweet baby was His idea. God is the One that showed me how much my 9 year old needs one-on-one schooling. The details that need to be managed at home are numerous…but only evidence that God has blessed our family immensely.

I’m over my limit because, once again, I am trying to do this on my own. This is a mountain that I keep going around and around…. when will I learn?

I believe that God is allowing the pressure in my life to increase so that I will turn to Him and learn to trust Him more. He wants to do this work through me… all I have to do is allow His love, power, and grace to flow through me.

I read this quote by Oswald Chambers this morning, and it confirmed what God has been trying to communicate to me lately:

If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally; as long as we have the dead set purpose of being disciples (by our own power) we may be sure that we are NOT.

He says, “I have chosen you.”

That is the way the grace of God begins…we can disobey it, but we cannot generate it.

Our Lord’s making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted do to by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always.

So, today and I am not going to try to BE anything. I cannot generate the grace that I need for today. I am going to REST in the Lord and let Him do all things through me. What a blessed relief!

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I’ve been asked this question quite a bit lately.  It seems that my protruding baby-belly is a sign to people that I should stick to breathing and let them do the rest. Wow, do I sound irritated?  I guess I’m just an independent kind of gal.

The baggers at the grocery store have been after me for weeks to carry my groceries out. I  know, I should let them. But as long as I can do it, I’m going to continue in my self-sufficient ways. Today at the Costo gas station, the sweet employee came over and asked if he could help me pump my gas.  I declined very nicely and chuckled to myself. It’s nice to see that courtesy hasn’t left the planet completely.

As I was driving out of the gas station, I heard the question again. “Can I help you with that?”  This time it was the Lord.

I had been crying and worrying most of the morning about my little nut (my second grader).  She is struggling in school.  No doubt…. she is bright, funny, compassionate, creative, expressive in every way, and a great cook at only 8 years old.  Just not a natural-born student.  At least, not in the traditional teacher-in-front-of-thirty-kids classroom.  She is an excellent student in LIFE… whatever is hands-on and whatever involves people.  Just a little oblivious to the details.  Today, she’s not interested in our colonial history or the trivialities of math word problems.  Give her a real life problem, and she will jump at the chance to console, to help, to rescue.

I’ve been trying to help my little nut on my own.  However, my independence has not proved helpful. I’ve tried everything that I know how to do, and I think I’ve hit the wall. This morning, I realized that I haven’t reached out to the teacher as much as I should. ( I have authority issues, too.  I fear the red pen and I let it have the final word.)  I also realized that I’ve kept my hubby out of this as well.  Most of all, I haven’t been asking the Lord to help me.

I see that my independence has led to nothing good.  It’s time to open my heart.  Let go of the fears.  Let God shed His light on this situation.  Get some proper perspective.  Let Him draw my husband and my daughter’s teacher in to work on this together. Let Him carry us through this.

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.            2 Chronicles 16:9 (NKJ)

He is watching all the time, to see how He can help me.  How can my heart be loyal to Him, when I am rejecting His help all the time?  Am I really abiding in Him if I’m trying to do all the work?

There are no points to be earned for doing it myself.  Only heartache.

I have so much to learn!

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I’ve been wrestling for days.  To blog, or not to blog.  What is my motivation?  I have a desire to share what God is teaching me on a daily basis.  Not that I’ll blog on a daily basis. I am a blogging virgin you know. Can’t even figure out how to change the title font on my blog page.

Ah yes… my title.  A Babe in the Womb.  This is my new life-perspective.  My new identity.

I was preparing to teach bible study last week, and my text to cover was John 8:31-59.  The passage begins,  “To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Jesus’ challenge to these people was clearly to move beyond believing to being disciples.  What is the key to making this move?  He said to hold to His teaching.  The word “hold” in this verse means to abide, to remain, to continue.  The word “teaching” literally means His spoken and revealed word.  It is the Greek word logos that we see in John 1:1.

So we are to abide in His word.  I’ve seen this concept before in scripture.  Abide in Him.  Abide in His love.  It means to stay… continue…be fed…be connected to Him.

And then a new level of understanding came to me.  God directed my attention to my ever-growing belly.  Twenty-one weeks worth of baby brewing in there.  He wants me to abide in Him and His word… just like a babe in its mother’s womb.  The baby is kept for nine months, fed every moment, is virtually unaware of the world outside the womb, grows everyday, is being prepared for a purpose.

So that’s me.  A babe in the Father’s womb.  (Before you freak out over the gender association… check out Isaiah 66:13 and Luke 13:34. )  I want to abide in Him.  Let Him keep me close.  Let Him nurture me each day.  Let Him prepare me for His purposes.

The womb is a good place to be.