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The Lord keeps taking me back to Psalm 62.  There is something that He wants me to learn about rest:

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.  Ps 62:5

I have been learning to physically rest. Though it’s difficult, I’ve been trying to get to bed at a decent hour. I’ve even been known to take naps when needed (and possible!!).

I have been learning to mentally rest. The Lord showed me that reading (amish fiction right now) is a great way to rest my mind after a busy day of homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and chasing my toddler.

Here is his question for me this week:  Have I been resting my soul? Have I been letting the core of me… the seat of my passions and emotions…the most important part of me rest?  Am I holding onto things? Worried about financial issues? Wrestling with tough decisions?

If I am going to rest all the way down in my soul… I need to stop worrying. Stop planning.  Stop working.  Isn’t that what rest means?  Stop running scenarios about a future that I cannot control. Stop being anxious. I need to stop wondering if God is going to take care of me and my loved ones.

I need to rest. Turning back to Psalm 62:

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.

I can rest knowing that God is strong enough to handle whatever comes my way.  I can rest knowing that He loves me with an unfailing love. Everything that He does is in love.

Rest, weary soul. Your Loving Creator and Savior has everything under control. Lean back and close your eyes. He will tend to all of your needs and concerns while you slumber. Rest, weary soul. You are loved!

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Well, today was our first day of homeschooling. As I’m blogging, the girls are behind me relishing their art assignment….  scrapbooking today! I thought it would be a treat for our first day.

I had the morning all planned out. I realized two weeks ago that my sweet cleaning lady was scheduled to come on the first day of school. No worries, I thought. We’ll do some schooling at Panera while she’s here.

I got up at 5:00, enjoyed my bible reading, and was getting ready to exercise when my baby boy woke up at 5:59 am. I went up to see if I could coax him back to sleep… to no avail. As I rocked him in his room, I started to worry. The schedule that I had mapped out in my head was ruined. It was impossible to put together a new schedule now that Levi would need to nap at 9:00 am!!!

I began to pray… thinking back to what God has been trying to teach me. I needed to be flexible. I had to let go of my agenda. Instead of mourning the loss of my agenda and my plans, I needed to look for what God had planned for me today.

I sensed that God was assuring me that Levi would be wiped out by the time we got to Panera, and he would sleep in his stroller while the girls and I tackled lesson 1 in each of their math books. Seemed like a long-shot, a sure-fire miracle… but God loves to do those kinds of things.

I marched on through the morning… did my exercise with a little boy underfoot.  (I know that you would have loved to see that one.) Finished the last minute pick-up around the house in anticipation of my cleaning lady. Coached the girls through their bible lessons. Packed up the car… and we were off to Panera!

Levi was slow to slumber at our off-site classroom, but we were finally able to get through math. Afterwards, we enjoyed a little excursion to the Mission Inn looking for pamphlets to use in California History this year. We came home for lunch and each dove into chapter 1 of some great novels.

I think back to my crisis in the rocking chair this morning. If not for Jesus, I would still be there crying over my lost schedule for the day. I am grateful for His lessons in flexibility. I would have loved for Him to schedule that lesson on another day… but alas, I am growing and He is pleased.

Maybe since I passed the test today, tomorrow will be easier….

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A few years ago, the Lord revealed something very valuable to me.  At the time, I was so desperate to have my house in order…desiring everything to be in its place at the end of the day. With two little ones underfoot, I was making everyone crazy trying to achieve household order. I needed it to feel okay. I was crying to Lord about this one day… and I sensed Him speak this thought into my mind:

Outward order does not bring inner peace.

Instantly, I felt as though an oppressive chain around my neck was broken. God revealed my motive and my need for peace… and He showed me that I was looking in the wrong place for it!  I began to see changes in my life. I still like order even now… just ask my family! However, I know that when I am desperate for order, what I’m seeking is control, and what I really need is peace. I can only get that by going to the Lord and letting Him embrace me in His love and grace. I’ve even learned to tolerate disorder a bit in order to attend to more important things. I am growing!

Well, this morning I had another revelation from Him. I went to bed late last night, setting my alarm for 5:00 am. Trying to get back to a disciplined schedule is tough when the laziness of summer is calling to me! Last week, I got up early each weekday, and it felt good. I wanted more of the same for this week.

However, I laid there in bed for 30, 60, 90 minutes while my brain ran amuck. I could not go to sleep last night! Then my little Levi started fussing. He was awake on and off until 1:15 am. Before I finally started to doze off… I decided to turn off my early morning wake up call.

Panick began to set in when I woke up at 5:45. I felt like I had been run over by a truck! So tired, yet so longing for an early start to my day. I wanted to exercise and read my bible before my children woke up. I was in tears… fading in and out of sleep. What an awful start to my day.

I finally decided to open my bible in bed and try to hear something from the Lord before I got up to meet my children (who were up and running by this time). As I read one of the psalms, I heard the Lord speak to my heart again:

Routine can be good for you. However, it is not a means of control in your life.

Wow. My desire for a routine is really a desire for control over my day. No wonder I get so bent out of shape when my routine is disturbed!

The Lord continued to speak quietly to my heart. He reminded me that He is fully prepared for whatever my day holds. I do not need to prepare myself for the day with MY routine and performance-related behaviors. If I trust Him with my day, He will lead me along the path… whether it is familiar and uneventful, or interrupted, chaotic, unexpected, even disastrous.

I can develop healthy routines such as morning exercise and bible reading, nutritious meals, even an afternoon rest. These habits can contribute greatly to my health, sanity, and spiritual growth. However… if I cannot cope with a change in my routine, then something is wrong. The Lord wants me to be flexible. He wants me to remember that He is the same, no matter how my day looks. Even though I might not get my exercise in, or if I wake simultaneously with my kids, He is still the same. He is the only constant, unchanging force in my life. Am I holding on to my routine, or Him?  I need to hold on to Jesus, whose plan for my day could not be more perfect for me!

The Lord challenged me to think about how much more effective our homeschooling will be if I become more flexible. How much more I will enjoy life if I can develop healthy routines, yet hold onto them with a lighter grasp. How much joy I will experience if I watch for what God has planned rather than lament the loss of my routine for one day.

I’m being stretched… learning to trust Him and let go of my desire to perform and be in control. The more that I surrender to His control, the happier and healthier I am!