not at all what I had in mind

I’m such a planner and controller.  For years and years, even as a Christian, I decided where I was going, what I was doing, what the family was doing, and I tried to make it all look like something God would want me to do.

It’s only been in the last couple of years that I have been learning to set aside my planning and controlling, and let God lead where He wants to lead.  The funny thing is… His plans have been nothing like mine.  Not at all what I had in mind.

He’s led me to do some extremely unconventional things.  I’ve had to wait a lot longer than I’ve ever waited for anything.  I’ve taken some crazy risks and experienced some tough losses.   I’ve had people look at me like I am nuts.  I’ve had good Christian people tell me that I’m doing it all wrong.   All I can say is, I’m following God’s lead.  I’m only going to do what He asks me to do.  Yes, I’m making some mistakes along the way, but I am determined to do it His way.

Yesterday, I was reading Habakkuk…a little book with a funny name.  Something he said really caught my eye:

I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost.
There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.   Habakkuk 2:1

This is where I have been.  Watching, waiting, not moving until I heard from Him.  I do have to confess that sometimes I ask, and then I get too afraid to hear His answer.  So, occasionally I’m hiding out under the watchtower rather than standing boldly at the top.  But still, I am learning not to act without His direction.

Habakkuk was a prophet during one of Israel’s most wretched seasons.  They were deep in idolatry and wickedness.  The people were not listening to God’s word or His prophets.  Habakkuk went to God (in chapter 1 of  the book) and begged Him to do something.  God responded to Habakkuk by letting him know that the Babylonians were soon going to come and God would bring discipline on His people through this conquering nation.  Of course, Habakkuk was distressed by this plan.  It was not at all what he had in mind!

So, he went back to prayer with his concerns about the Lord’s plan.  God let him know that the disobedient people need to be humbled, but that the faithful could surely trust Him no matter what happened:

See, he is puffed up, his desires are not upright- but the righteous shall live by faith…”  Hab 2:4

After hearing God’s response in chapter 2, Habakkuk gets back to praising God for who He is and how He has always been faithful.  Chapter 3 is full of hope.  Even though Habakkuk isn’t looking forward to the coming destruction of the Babylonians, he is looking forward to see what God will do through the difficulties:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.    Habakkuk 3:17-19

This is the kind of faith and courage I want to have.  God is doing amazing things in my midst.   Who am I to argue with the means that He chooses?  If I want to go on the heights – the high places – then I must be prepared to walk whatever path He leads me on.  I can’t worry about how hard it is.   How crazy it is.  How foolish I might look.  What I stand to lose in the process.  I just have to follow.

This reminds me of a devotion I read in Streams in the Desert the other day.  It was talking about the widow in 2 Kings 4… when God was about to meet her desperate need.  He told her (through the prophet Elisha) to go in the house with her two sons and shut the door.  This probably seemed crazy and pointless to the woman.  Here is a portion of the writer’s thoughts about this bible passage:

The widow and her two sons were to be alone with God.  They were not dealing with the laws of nature, human government, the church, or the priesthood.  Nor were they even dealing with the prophet Elisha anymore.  They had to be isolated from everyone, separated from human reasoning, and removed from the natural tendencies to prejudge their circumstances.

At certain times and places, God will build a mysterious wall around us.  He will take away all the supports we customarily lean upon, and will remove our ordinary ways of doing things.  God will close us off to something divine, completely new and unexpected, and that cannot be understood by examining our previous circumstances.  We will be in a place where we do not know what is happening, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives by a new pattern, and thus where He causes us to look to Him.

Most Christians lead a treadmill live– a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way.  But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him. All they know is that God is holding them and that He is dealing in their lives. Then their expectations come from Him alone.

This really spoke to me!!  I lived that treadmill life for so long… so predictable because I was calling the shots!

Now God is choosing for me, and what an adventure it has been.  Instead of being on the treadmill, going nowhere, I am reaching new heights and experiencing challenges and miracles that I would never have imagined.  Not at all what I had in mind…. but worth every second!