The last year has been very interesting for me. In 12 months, I’ve managed to experience the absolute peak of my spiritual life (so far) and also some of the lowest lows of my spiritual life.
The lows have hit me hard. Struggling to trust God after painful losses. Being too afraid to press in and hear from God. Finding myself in extended periods of waiting on Him and His provision. In those low moments I saw things in myself that I did not like. I couldn’t help but beat myself up (since I had just been on such a high) and I found myself being angry at God for letting me get so high and fall so far.
God’s been teaching me some interesting things lately. My daily bible reading has taken me right through the biographies of the patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, etc.) and I’m gaining a little perspective.
These guys were total ding-a-lings sometimes! Yes, they received the promises of God and followed Him faithfully in amazing acts of service. However, they had moments of poor judgment, major selfishness, and crippling fear.
With that in mind, look at what the New Testament says about them:
- (God) testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’ Acts 13:22
- Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” Romans 4:18-22
- By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel. Hebrews 11:24-28
When God describes these men and their lives, He focuses on the positive. On the acts of faithfulness. On the victories. On the moments when they trusted Him and held onto Him. He let go of their sins and their failures.
I think it’s about time that I let go of my lows and my moments of failure. Isn’t that why Jesus came to shed His blood for me? So that I can be forgiven. Not only by God, but also by myself.
I’ve also noticed some other folks who fell hard after their spiritual highs. The children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years after miraculously walking through the Red Sea. Elijah hid out and wanted to die after the unbelievable defeat of the prophets of Baal. Peter sank into the sea after taking some amazing steps on the water’s surface. Even Jesus spent 40 days in the desert immediately after being baptized, blessed, and confirmed by the Father in front of many witnesses.
With a little perspective, I am coming out of my low season. There’s no shame in where I’ve been. Only hope. I’m on the upswing and God loves me no matter what happens next.